"I’ve had a lot of boyfriends who were dogs. Not to give dogs a bad name. One in particular I'm thinking of. Our lives, from the outside, were a smoky blur of bars and bloody mary brunches. It all looked lovely; we walked, hand-in-hand, on the cobblestone streets of Carroll Gardens. In front ...
"I’ve had a lot of boyfriends who were dogs. Not to give dogs a bad name. One in particular I'm thinking of. Our lives, from the outside, were a smoky blur of bars and bloody mary brunches. It all looked lovely; we walked, hand-in-hand, on the cobblestone streets of Carroll Gardens. In front of friends and family, we
performed the girlfriend/boyfriend charade beautifully. Sweet nothings, cuddles; I sat in his lap. We swapped books and small kisses. We were that couple. From the outside, at least. Everyone thought we had it all.
But in private, it was different story. Nights were a crazy cacophony of bickering and beer and bad vibes. Sometimes our rows escalated to epic proportions. Once I threw a lamp at his head. Once he called me a cunt. We rarely ever shared the bed. As my late grandmother might say, in Yiddish, there was no bashert (meaning: cosmic connection) between us. Basically, it was a bad match. Looking back on it now, I can see that I needed to be in that terrible relationship. I needed to know what romantic pain — real lack of love and intimacy —looked like and felt like. I needed to be consumed with resentment, to be distracted from my full potential. I needed an excuse to act out — to blame another person for the fact that I was not leading the life I wanted to be. Needed to go deep into the dark; it paved the way for lots of light years down the line. I'm not unique in this. We all have to climb over big rocks in the road. Obstacles are part of spiritual growth. Some obstacles are created for us. Some we create for ourselves...Reminds me of what Rilke says at the end of the poem Archaic Torso Of Apollo. “For there is no place that does not see you * You must change your life." — An oldie but goodie excerpt from my Dear Molly @voguemagazine column. Want some wisdom? Email [email protected] with all your woes.... I'll do my best to share whatever insane experience I may have to offer. xo (ps! custom dress by @lalignenyc ). #dearmolly